11~11~11
1.8.11
Racism in Children's Shows Part 1.5
Finally, I have found another show more racist than any of the other shows I mentioned in that earlier post (see: Racism, furry boots, and panchos) combined. "The Smurfs" is possibly the most blatantly racist show ever to air on public programming. Right, I hear you all asking "how is Smurfs racist, it's just a kids cartoon". Let me explain. All the blood in the human body travels through one central location. That's the heart. The color most closely associated with "cold" is blue. So in turn when someone is cold-hearted or hateful, that would make their blood blue. Now follow me I am going somewhere with this. If the blood is blue and it travels through the entire body it would give the flesh a blue tone. When white people get cold they turn blue right? Of course they do. So that correlates the blue skin and white people. Now everyone in the town serves a purpose. There's handy smurf and artist smurf, and prostitute smurf, (I believe everyone remembers her as Smurfette). They all had talents and used those talents to make a living in the village. They did these various tasks in all white outfits. Now it doesn't take a genius to see that these outfits are all white with a hood. Now Papa Smurf, was different, he was older and he wore an all red hooded outfit. Now is it me or does that sound eerily close to the KLAN? All the members have on white hoods and the Grand Wizard (or Grand Dragon or whatever he is called) or "leader" has on an all red hood. Now even though they animated the head villain as a white guy, there is no way he was white. How many Caucasians have you met named "Gargamel"? Now let's take a trip to the ghetto, I bet we find that name, or something close to it, in abundance. You can let your kids watch that stuff if you want to, but not me. It's hateful I tell ya. Just hateful.
26.5.11
How to commit the perfect crime.
After viewing an obscene amount of Forensic Files, CSI, and The Bone Collector, I think I have finally figured out the necessary steps one would need to follow to commit the perfect crime. The steps will have to be followed in exactly this order for you to pull off a forensically undetectable crime. (If one of you nitwits is simple enough to take what I am about to write and try to commit any sort of crime from shoplifting to murder, then you deserve to go to prison, for a long, long time.)
Purchase all necessary equipment from different types of stores in different regions of the country over the course of 3 to 4 months or longer.
This will make the seemingly unrelated items less conspicuous, and virtually untraceable. I said the perfect crime not the easiest or cheapest crime.
Purchase shoes that are two to three sizes too large.
Forensics can determine where the weight was distributed even if you wear shoes that are too large, so you will need to create a weight distribution mechanism within the shoe, that will alleviate that problem.
Shave off all of your hair.I mean EVERY. SINGLE. STRAND. You need to rid yourself of the hair on your head, facial hair, eyebrows, eyelashes, nose hairs, back hair, pubic hair, knuckle hair, arm hair, leg hair, chest hair, stomach hair, ear hair, and toe hair. You will need to shave it and dispose of it. The best way to do this is go to your barber shop and drop the hair on the ground in moderation, and allow the barber to sweep up the mess without becoming suspicious.
Exfoliate your skin.
First you must bleach your bathtub, so that all old skin that may be hiding in the tub has been removed. Once this has been done you will exfoliate in your own tub, so that your dead skin is not found in someone else's tub. Once you exfoliate, you will need to pay careful attention to your feet. Remove any dead skin that may have fallen on your feet.
Clip your fingernails.
Clip them slightly shorter than normal so that there is no chance to pick up anything between the nail and the skin.
Wear clothes that are not easily torn or pick up carpet fibers.
After much research ( see: absolutely no evidence of what I am about to say is true) I have found that a wetsuit would be the best option. The neoprene/spandex hybrid is good in hot or cold weather because of the insulation. And because they are form fitting you can wear them under other clothes until the most opportune time to commit the crime. Of course a face covering and gloves are quintessential to any crime. You don't want to be recognized so a mask that completely covers your face coupled with a rebreather are a must. The rebreather will protect against any traces of possible saliva being found at the scene. A well fitted mask similar to the vampire ninjas from Blade II, will prevent any sweat being left at the scene. Football receiver gloves will adequately cover the hands and still provide a wide range of movement if and when needed.
The crime will need to be a serial crime.
You cannot know the victim otherwise, it can be traced back to you. You can also have no motive. It needs to appear to be completely random.
And there you have it. If you follow these steps precisely, upon finding the most opportune time to commit the crime, you should get away scot-free. That is of course unless the cops go out looking for a hairless, exfoliated surfer ninja with clown shoes, receiving gloves, short finger nails and a breathing machine. In which case you, as well as Charlie Villanueve are in trouble.
CSI/CIA/FBI please don't come looking for me. It's all jokes!! LOL
Purchase all necessary equipment from different types of stores in different regions of the country over the course of 3 to 4 months or longer.
This will make the seemingly unrelated items less conspicuous, and virtually untraceable. I said the perfect crime not the easiest or cheapest crime.
Purchase shoes that are two to three sizes too large.
Forensics can determine where the weight was distributed even if you wear shoes that are too large, so you will need to create a weight distribution mechanism within the shoe, that will alleviate that problem.
Shave off all of your hair.I mean EVERY. SINGLE. STRAND. You need to rid yourself of the hair on your head, facial hair, eyebrows, eyelashes, nose hairs, back hair, pubic hair, knuckle hair, arm hair, leg hair, chest hair, stomach hair, ear hair, and toe hair. You will need to shave it and dispose of it. The best way to do this is go to your barber shop and drop the hair on the ground in moderation, and allow the barber to sweep up the mess without becoming suspicious.
Exfoliate your skin.
First you must bleach your bathtub, so that all old skin that may be hiding in the tub has been removed. Once this has been done you will exfoliate in your own tub, so that your dead skin is not found in someone else's tub. Once you exfoliate, you will need to pay careful attention to your feet. Remove any dead skin that may have fallen on your feet.
Clip your fingernails.
Clip them slightly shorter than normal so that there is no chance to pick up anything between the nail and the skin.
Wear clothes that are not easily torn or pick up carpet fibers.
After much research ( see: absolutely no evidence of what I am about to say is true) I have found that a wetsuit would be the best option. The neoprene/spandex hybrid is good in hot or cold weather because of the insulation. And because they are form fitting you can wear them under other clothes until the most opportune time to commit the crime. Of course a face covering and gloves are quintessential to any crime. You don't want to be recognized so a mask that completely covers your face coupled with a rebreather are a must. The rebreather will protect against any traces of possible saliva being found at the scene. A well fitted mask similar to the vampire ninjas from Blade II, will prevent any sweat being left at the scene. Football receiver gloves will adequately cover the hands and still provide a wide range of movement if and when needed.
The crime will need to be a serial crime.
You cannot know the victim otherwise, it can be traced back to you. You can also have no motive. It needs to appear to be completely random.
And there you have it. If you follow these steps precisely, upon finding the most opportune time to commit the crime, you should get away scot-free. That is of course unless the cops go out looking for a hairless, exfoliated surfer ninja with clown shoes, receiving gloves, short finger nails and a breathing machine. In which case you, as well as Charlie Villanueve are in trouble.
CSI/CIA/FBI please don't come looking for me. It's all jokes!! LOL
28.2.11
Racism in Children's Shows
My entire life I've been considered the unknown race. People take one look at me and I can see that questioning look in their eyes trying to figure out what hybrid breed I was. My Mom is native to American Samoa and my dad was white. So what does it matter? It shouldn't right? I mean the same person made us all. We all just look different. No matter how much we try to ignore the racist issues....it rises...and you won't believe where it can be found either. I would like to discuss the racist shows that have been infiltrating our airwaves as far back as 15 years ago. What racist shows am I speaking of?
First, we have Power Rangers. Now come on, how can we not see this one? The black ranger was black. The white ranger was white, the pink ranger was pink, the yellow ranger was yellow, the blue ranger had blue eyes, the green ranger, green eyes, and still to this day I feel that red ranger was a native American, but I dont have enough evidence to prove that yet. Yes this was racist, but the real racism comes in when it was time to fight. Why did the black ranger dance every time he had lines? Can black people only hold conversations with you while doing body rolls and pop locking?
Then we have Captain Planet.. Ok everyones "powers" made sense except one. Let me refresh your memory. The Chinese girl had "water". Thats understandable because for the most part China is a water based economy. Cool. The Russian girl had "Wind". Makes sense. Russia is known for blizzards and windy cold conditions. Cool. The South American boy had "Heart". Now it was obvious that Matee was gay, so "heart" fits. And he needed to have compassion and be able to pass it to others in order to save the rainforests. Now this is where it gets racist. The little Red head All-American boy with the mullett gets the most powerful of all powers. "FIRE". Then to add insult to injury, they give the African "DIRT"!!! You can call it "EARTH", which is what they were calling it on the show, but you can't trick me! It was soil. I know that Kwame was African and we know that culture and civilization was begun in Africa, but since we are known for being close to EARTH, why do they give the little African with the "box" dirt as a power? And besides, who has ever seen an African with a "box"?
And finally the most racist of them all, DORA the EXPLORER!!!! I know, I know, some of you with kids are wondering where the racism in this is, and more importantly, why am I watching it. Let me explain. You have a little Hispanic girl teaching kids things about Hispanic culture and some of the language. You are thinking that this is ingenious right? WRONG!!! RACIST!!!!! Who is Doras best friend? A MONKEY named BOOTS. A hyper monkey in boots I might add. That is nothing more than a a hoodrat minority in some Timberlands!!! "Boots" the monkey is dumb and is depending on a woman to support him. He doesnt have a job, he doesnt go to school. He lives with his woman. Plus every hood in the nation has some hyper crackhead running and jumping down the street with some rubber rain boots from Wal-Mart. Sound familiar? Then the villain on the show is a thieving fox named "Swiper". Swiper has a bandit mask on making him look like a thief. This is nothing more than a clever ploy to make Swiper a raccoon. Then on top of that he steals for a living. When they catch Swiper they always say the same phrase, "Swiper no swiping, Swiper no swiping. Swiper no swiping." This is implying that black people are hard headed. You have to tell people of color things more than one time for them listen. Or that after they get that "third strike" they are going to be locked up and one less ignorant minority on the street. Furthermore what gave his race away, for me at least, are his mannerisms. What other race besides black people suck their teeth when something doesnt go their way? What is Swipers response when he gets caught? "Skktttttt, awwww man!!! And snaps his fingers. RACIST I tell ya!!!! Just racist!!!!!
First, we have Power Rangers. Now come on, how can we not see this one? The black ranger was black. The white ranger was white, the pink ranger was pink, the yellow ranger was yellow, the blue ranger had blue eyes, the green ranger, green eyes, and still to this day I feel that red ranger was a native American, but I dont have enough evidence to prove that yet. Yes this was racist, but the real racism comes in when it was time to fight. Why did the black ranger dance every time he had lines? Can black people only hold conversations with you while doing body rolls and pop locking?
Then we have Captain Planet.. Ok everyones "powers" made sense except one. Let me refresh your memory. The Chinese girl had "water". Thats understandable because for the most part China is a water based economy. Cool. The Russian girl had "Wind". Makes sense. Russia is known for blizzards and windy cold conditions. Cool. The South American boy had "Heart". Now it was obvious that Matee was gay, so "heart" fits. And he needed to have compassion and be able to pass it to others in order to save the rainforests. Now this is where it gets racist. The little Red head All-American boy with the mullett gets the most powerful of all powers. "FIRE". Then to add insult to injury, they give the African "DIRT"!!! You can call it "EARTH", which is what they were calling it on the show, but you can't trick me! It was soil. I know that Kwame was African and we know that culture and civilization was begun in Africa, but since we are known for being close to EARTH, why do they give the little African with the "box" dirt as a power? And besides, who has ever seen an African with a "box"?
And finally the most racist of them all, DORA the EXPLORER!!!! I know, I know, some of you with kids are wondering where the racism in this is, and more importantly, why am I watching it. Let me explain. You have a little Hispanic girl teaching kids things about Hispanic culture and some of the language. You are thinking that this is ingenious right? WRONG!!! RACIST!!!!! Who is Doras best friend? A MONKEY named BOOTS. A hyper monkey in boots I might add. That is nothing more than a a hoodrat minority in some Timberlands!!! "Boots" the monkey is dumb and is depending on a woman to support him. He doesnt have a job, he doesnt go to school. He lives with his woman. Plus every hood in the nation has some hyper crackhead running and jumping down the street with some rubber rain boots from Wal-Mart. Sound familiar? Then the villain on the show is a thieving fox named "Swiper". Swiper has a bandit mask on making him look like a thief. This is nothing more than a clever ploy to make Swiper a raccoon. Then on top of that he steals for a living. When they catch Swiper they always say the same phrase, "Swiper no swiping, Swiper no swiping. Swiper no swiping." This is implying that black people are hard headed. You have to tell people of color things more than one time for them listen. Or that after they get that "third strike" they are going to be locked up and one less ignorant minority on the street. Furthermore what gave his race away, for me at least, are his mannerisms. What other race besides black people suck their teeth when something doesnt go their way? What is Swipers response when he gets caught? "Skktttttt, awwww man!!! And snaps his fingers. RACIST I tell ya!!!! Just racist!!!!!
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